Federal News Channel Five: Breaking news from this station: the commander of the Ninth Main Battle Group of the Holy Unicorn Mercenary Corps—the largest mercenary organization in the Federation—has died unexpectedly. Federal police are currently investigating the cause of death.

Holy Unicorn Mercenary Corps Secret Dossier No. 2373-514: Investigation Report on the Cause of Death of James Rain, Commander of the Ninth Main Battle Group and a True Innate Warrior.

James Rain died accidentally after slipping on a rain-slicked surface while intoxicated, falling into a construction site sewage drain where he was impaled by rebar through the valley of his throat.

The findings of the investigation have been verified as accurate, and the results are strictly prohibited from being disclosed to the outside world. The official, unified statement insists that James Rain was killed in an enemy ambush. .C