I had always thought I would be the first one out. In truth, the moment I scooped up A-Li and bolted near the bonfire, my real intention was to use protecting her as an excuse to be the first one to escape that terrifying place. Even as I carried her to the end of the cavern, I held onto the hope that we could stand together on those tall stalactites, watching Xing’er fight for us, waiting under the guise of guarding A-Li for him to drive the spiders away.

It was laughable; these notions were neither realistic nor glorious. Xing’er couldn't possibly stand against that torrent of a spider army. The only thing left to do from that perch on the stalactite was to watch him fight until he was utterly exhausted, until the spiders found a weakness and he became a sacrifice to those hexapod demons. Then, I would watch that surging horde crawl toward A-Li and me.

Yes, I had to admit it: those initial, nagging thoughts in my mind were nothing but selfish and sordid. As a human being, I was still burdened by the most primitive urges—self-preservation, thinking only of myself first. Like infants not yet a year old, nestled in their mother’s arms, concerned only with their own comfort.

Yet, Xiao Shu wasn't like that, nor was the bloodthirsty Xing’er. This is where my shame truly lay. Xiao Shu had worn an expression of detachment when she saw the near-laboring civet near the Sea of the Undead. Xing’er had once declared from the large rock that if he hadn't been wearing the foot chain, he certainly would have fled first. But in the most critical moments, both held firm without hesitation. In fact, fate had generously granted them chances to escape, offering them a sliver of hope, which they decisively rejected, choosing instead to sacrifice themselves for others.

But when Xiao Shu charged toward the densest concentration of spiders, I thought her foolish. When Xing’er stood at the very front, shielding A-Li and me, I still thought him foolish. Only I was the smartest, the clearest-headed. And this supremely intelligent, supremely clear-headed person repeatedly wavered between acting for himself and acting for others, repeatedly using the pretense of protecting A-Li to mask his selfish desires, repeatedly leaving Xiao Shu and Xing’er in the most perilous positions. Is cowering behind others, using companions as a shield, the true path? For this alone, in this catastrophe, I am the one most deserving of hell.

So, I descended into hell, deserving of it without question. This is my honor, the final destination for the self-serving. I suspect I am the worst sort of man, perhaps second only to A-Li’s father. Maybe the only glimmer of redemption I possess as a human being is that I never once considered abandoning her, that I protected her from beginning to end.

Waaah... waaah... A-Li cries in her cradle; Xing’er cries in his small boat. They share a similar fate and nearly identical destinies. Who would have thought that when they were both still in swaddling clothes, it was I who ultimately saved A-Li, and I who pulled Xing’er up from the Sea of the Undead. What an incredible connection I share with these two little ones!

If Xing’er had sacrificed himself and I had lived, I would have been too ashamed to face the world. So, I chose myself, choosing to bear the retribution that was rightly mine. Then, I can tell the two children loudly: Selfish Uncle Xiao Yu did not disappoint you; I saved you, as always. It’s just that the process had a few minor twists; Uncle Xiao Yu’s resolve was just a tad less selfless. After a struggle of the mind, I finally summoned the courage, sweeping away the filth in my soul, to become the great Uncle Xiao Yu you see in your eyes.

Xing’er, don’t cry! We will see each other again!