I was mortified. How could I bear holding a grown woman in my arms? Her round, plump buttocks pressed against me, her slender waist curving perfectly into the hollow of mine, and those full, ripe breasts swaying with every breath she took. A sweet floral scent drifted from her skin as I forced a composed tone: "Darling sister, you're sitting on my back."

"Pfft-ha-ha! My little old man, riding piggyback is so much fun. You smell better than Fat Brother up there!" she giggled into my ear.

"Shhh," I hushed her urgently, "Don't speak or we'll be caught by the fat brothers!"

Cai Jingjing wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered in my ear, "Oh right darling, we won't talk."

We remained frozen like that for about a minute before she couldn't contain herself anymore. Biting my lobe, she panted, "My little old man, why aren't they here yet?"

"Maybe the fat brothers haven't found this closet," I whispered back.

More minutes passed in silence until Jingjing asked again: "Why aren't they coming?"

"Why don't we go out?" I suggested.

"No way!" She suddenly stiffened against me, her voice firm. "Didn't you learn that perseverance wins the day?"

"Who told you that proverb?" I asked.

"I saw it on TV," she said.

"Can Jingjing even understand television shows yet?"

"You're a fool!" she scolded. "Even my three-year-old baby sister could comprehend better than you!"

I fell mute, realizing intergenerational mind gaps were as hard to bridge as language barriers. Better just play along - whatever made her happy was fine with me.

After another pause, Jingjing whispered anxiously, "Little old man, are you asleep?"

"Almost," I yawned. "Why don't you try sleeping too?"

"Nonsense!" she giggled. "If little old man needs to sleep, let big sister feed you milk!"

CRACK! I slammed my head on the closet doorframe but felt no bump forming. "Jingjing who taught you that line?"

"TV of course!" she chirped. "When aunts feed babies they always..." Her chest jiggled as she thrust it toward me, filling my nostrils with her perfume. My eyes widened - through the darkness I could clearly see two perfectly real silken mounds spilling out from beneath her unbuttoned blouse and elastic bra.

Panicked, I tried to adjust her clothing. "Jingjing no! You're embarrassing your little old man. Put your clothes back on!"

She began sobbing and tugging at my hands. "No no no you must eat milk to sleep properly!"

I panicked and threatened, "If you don't cover up right now I'll never talk to you again!"

Jingjing immediately stilled as I shoving her chest back into the bra and fastening the buttons. Though I managed a few cheeky gropes under the circumstances, it was necessary - if those two fat brothers discovered this scene I'd be in real trouble.

Silence hung between us for so long I finally called out, "Jingjing?"

No response. "Darling sister?"

Still nothing. As I gently shook her, warm drops splashed onto my wrist. Dammit! Jingjing had been crying silently all along!

"Jingjing what's wrong? Sweetie don't cry. Tell your little old man what's bothering you."

"Why not just leave this closet game and take you to the amusement park instead?"

But she remained motionless, tears streaming faster now - silent sobs were scarier than wails. What if her eyes turned into waterfalls like Dou'e? I needed to get out before Cai Baoer arrived.

As I tried standing up, Jingjing suddenly twisted and headbutted the closet wall! I barely caught her in time; losing three-year-old intelligence would be unforgivable.

"Jingjing!" My voice snapped with irritation. "What is wrong with you? When have I seen such defiance from a child?"

She continued weeping silently, her lower lip jutting out at impossible angles as she turned her face away.

I decided to force my way through - either she'd stop crying or I'd risk the whole milk-feeding scenario. But before I could move...

SMACK! Jingjing headbutted me again, this time with such force that I stumbled back.

"Jingjing!" My patience snapped. "What in God's name do you want?"

"I must feed my little old man milk!" she declared.

Lord Jesus! Please save me! This was not my doing!

Her sobs paused at my silence but the tears kept falling like tiny waterfalls. I surrendered, "Alright Jingjing, have it your way."

As soon as I relented, her tears halted instantly and two soft hands encircled my neck. "Little old man - let big sister feed you milk so you can sleep properly?"

Here was a girl with unwavering determination. If I didn't play along she'd keep this up forever.

Already unbuttoning her blouse, Jingjing said, "If little old man doesn't obey..." One elastic band gave way and that plump breast reappeared before me like a cruel joke.

Eat or not eat? This was truly Hamlet's dilemma. Would I be guilty of child abuse if I did? Would she keep weeping forever if I refused?

As I hesitated, Jingjing coaxed, "If my little old man doesn't behave, big sister will get angry. Just sleep while I tell you a story."

I vowed to burn all TV footage of nursing women the moment this was over.

Leaning down with a show of enthusiasm, I pretended to suck and said, "Oh! Big sister's milk is so sweet! Little old man has had enough - now let me go to bed!"

But Jingjing began sobbing again. "You don't like me at all! You're just pretending for my sake. All these days you've been deceiving me... I waited and waited..."

Her intelligence must have regressed, because suddenly she was an 18-year-old again. Pushed to desperation, I decided to sacrifice my dignity.

After the "feeding," Jingjing purred, "Carry me out now."

"First fix your clothes properly," I warned. "Remember our agreement?"

As I adjusted her bra and blouse, Jingjing promised, "Big sister won't tell anyone about the milk. I'll follow little old man's every order!"

Emerging from the closet into bright light, a strange emptiness settled in my chest - did I miss pretending to nurse?

"Little old man," she yawned, "I'm sleepy. Can you tuck me in?"

"Eat first," I suggested.

But Jingjing shook her head insistently and curled under the pillow. The child had no worries - soon deep breathing filled the room as I descended to find the others. Zhu Da and Cai Baoer were feasting at the TV, watching a sultry hostess charm viewers while chewing meat with his mouth full.

Picking up a beer bottle, I snapped, "You two sent me babysitting so you could have fun?"

Baoer turned red. "Sorry Sarge! My parents are away and my sister drove me insane these past nights!"

I drank deeply. "She's sleeping now - we were hiding here all this time."

Baoer gave a thumbs-up. "Impressive! I needed 101 bedtime stories to get her to sleep, but you tamed her in one night!"

Later that evening Jingjing found me with bloodshot eyes. The maid hurriedly served dinner as she tugged my sleeve.

"Don't keep me waiting long little old man," she warned. "Or I'll be very angry."

I soothed her, "We're going on a business trip to find the cure for your condition. Stay home and listen to mom while we're away."

"Then when you return I can marry you!" she saidly.

Baoer added, "Of course! He promised before - me and Fat Brother will witness it!"

As Jingjing skipped off, her breasts bounced rhythmically under the blouse. Would a cured mind still remember me? Or would I end up marrying a three-year-old who demanded nightly feedings?